Bright City Lights

When i was in 3rd grade this boy in my class had a Notebook that was from a brand called Hookups skateboarding company. The brand produces skateboards with alot of sexy anime girls on the deck. Or anime inspired artwork and the notebook was basically showing  a whole bunch of  different skateboard decks.
For some reason it really caught my eye. I dont know if it was just because at the time i was really obsessed with anime or something else but i really wanted it. So i paid the kid 5$ to buy it from him (i was in third grade 5 bucks was ALOT of money back then and just for a USED notebook,god! )
Once i had it i would take it with me everywhere just to doodle on when i was bored or to look at. I cant explain why but i REALLY loved it. I really loved to stare at it and daydream and make up stories in my head for each of the characters. Of course i think i threw it away eventually or something and when i tried to look hookups up here on the computer they didnt seem to have alot of pictures of their art work except i remember the "samurai princess" (see upper left) and  few other pictures i found. There was one picture on the notebook that I really liked in particular and I actually dont remember what is was LOL. I just remember that it was a picture of a city, a big city, at night. In fact it wasnt even THAT big of a picture but i found myself staring at it all the time! Well that brings me to an obsession that still lingers on today. Urban street artwork and pictures and modern Architecture.
                                  Coming from a small town, living in any huge metropolis is very appealing. I love the gritty raw look of a city like San Fransisco, LA, or Toyko. I love a place where the lights are brighter then the sun. I love a place of modernization where the buildings are cohesive with strange shape and graffiti. A place with stories. A city thats alive. One day i hope to live in a place like this. But until then i guess i'll continue to obsess and droll over pictures like this(see right)

I think of the way a city moves, the buildings and the sound as an art. The fashions the younger people wear in a city and the trends sets the standard for the rest of the world in my opinion.Of course i hate the kids around here who "tag" and i dont really like graffiti itself but i think it adds rawness to a place or a picture. (Of course around here tagging doesnt add rawness it just looks stupid) I have no idea why i get the feelings i get when I look at theses pictures maybe that just means I'm supposed to be there. That i was meant for more then to just live here where the most exciting thing is the Annual fair or something. Ok wishful thinking aside i guess to sum it up it just inspires me. In every shape and form and in every way I get inspired from a big city.

Sometimes songs put me in the mood that i feel like I AM in the middle of San Francisco. I hear a certain song i think of a certain picture in my head and it makes me happy. I love the atmosphere it creates and the feelings I get from it. These two songs I love. They give the exact same feeling i was talking about maybe you'll understand what i mean when you listen to them too.

And





<3333 Uzi

R.I.P Nujabes ='(

Im sooo heart broken. I wanted to make a post about the music ive been getting into lately. Ive changed my music taste ALOT in the last year. But few of the artist ever affected me as much as Nujabes did. My ex-boyfriend(yuck) gave me the OSTs from Samurai Champloo and INSTANTLY fell in love with this new sound of music that ive never heard before. Back then i thought it was "classy hip hop" lol but still with influences of traditional Japanese music. Well this was before i had the internet and it wasnt till much later that i downloaded Nujabes self work but still the soundtrack stuck with me.and i found a liking for Jazz inspired hip hop and began to appreciate hip hop it self and not just thinking it was a bunch of black guys talking about how many bitches they fucked or a bunch of white guys trying to rap in Tupac t-shirts SMH Nujabes music is WAY better then Tupac..OOOHH yeah i said it!
               Well unfortunately Nujabes died in a car accident at the end of February. You expect people like Anna Nicole and Michael Jackson to OD but man why is the world taking the best producer of all time away from us. and he was soo young too. =( He could've made more music and the world will never have another  like him. I didnt believe it when i found out last week it wasnt until i read Shing02's blog about the death of Nujabes that it really hit me. I'm beyond devastated. I remember a few years ago before my BF gave me that soundtrack before i knew how to "properly" DL music i came across a few songs of his that i wasnt aware were his until recently. I remember playing those over and over on the car rides to LA. You cant ever get sick of his music.

This was one of my favorite songs from him:
its called Counting Stars




 I was reading through the comments on Shings blog post and one person had said that one of his best memories was walking through the city of Toyko with headphones on listening to his music. And i thought how beautiful that would be how amazing. In Nujabes honor when i make it to Toyko im going to do the exact same thing.

<333

R.I.P Seba Jun aka Nujabes
*bows*


this is shings Tribute to him and he was soo happy it reached 100,000+ views in 4 days. But the reality is, is that 100,000+ views isnt alot considering people like Shane Dawson and Michelle fan get OVER that every vid they make. It just goes to show you that  Shing02 and Nujabes are like the secret treasures of hip hop
that not that many people know of and it makes me soo happy  that i am in fact one of those people

Late Night Emo-ness

I think i have an addiction to fantasy. Not like anything sexual or weird like that but im always thinking "what if?" "What if i won the lottery?"
"What if I lost 60lbs?" "Would everyone like me if more if i did"?
"What if right now i ran into my ex bf, what would i say to him?"
          I was thinking that just now, about him. Its quite horrible how much he pops into my head when I'm trying my hardest to get over him. I mean its been almost a year,a year this month and then the stupid rat race we played for the next 4 months after that. I stopped talking to 75% of my friends because of him. Not for him but because of him. I was never a bad GF. I tried my hardest to be the best i could be. Maybe sometimes i was a little grumpy or i would get a little mad...but i mean c'mon WHO DOESNT? and i could never be mad at him for more then 10 minutes. We never argued we just bickered.
                    Now im sitting here alone im not sad about it. Im just frustrated i never got to say how i truly felt. I didnt want to sound too lame or too K-dramaish. I didn't want him to think i was falling in love with him or anything. Maybe i just miss the idea of him?? Maybe i didn't like him at all?
                 The most frustrating thing of all is it seems he's seeing another girl now. A girl i met before a few years ago. I liked her so much i thought she was soo cool and nice and sweet. I liked her even more when I realized we had the same birthday. I hate to admit but I'm a big believer in Astrology and my ex was the perfect match for me (astrology wise).  I keep comparing myself to her. Why does he like her and not me. Are we not supposed to have the same personality i mean we have the same birthday. She reminded me alot of myself just happier. Maybe if i was born differently and raised happier i would be like her. It doesnt help that she plasters pictures of him and her online. I had to delete my whole myspace just so im not tempted to look anymore. but it didnt help i still can look. Everyday im tempted to look but I know if i do i'll die a little on the inside. Everytime i eat i feel guilty. I feel like i should be starving just look better and maybe find someone else but I never leave the house anymore so it doesnt matter. These thoughts are always running through my head especially when i go out. What if i run into him? It's happened twice. I dont know what i would do. I dont know what his intentions were by waving to me the second time were though.
                Its hard constantly asking yourself all the things you could have done better. Its even harder when you know what you would do now if given the chance. I cant talk to him because i cant be friends. I wish i could just meet up one more time just to say "FUCK YOU" or "I MISS YOU" but i feel like i would be dragging this whole thing out because its been so long. This is just something i have to get over myself even if i dont have anyone to talk to about it. Maybe if I just act happy it'll make me happier for real